School's in session

I learned a great deal last night at a bar in a small Ohio town. I learned that regardless of how charming and talented I seem to my friends, or even a comedy club crowd I don't get laughs in a bar unless I EARN them.

The room was cold to start out with and I never was able to get the crowd fully into it. Some of the other comics had some difficulty too though-but I was pretty lame aside from basically one moment. There was a table full of hecklers who were drunk at the start of the show. I called on them and asked them to be quiet-very courteously. It worked for about thirty seconds and then they started mumbling and grumbling back to me along the lines of "Hey who does this dum@$$ think he is?"

I worked to ignore them-my jokes were not going over-partly because it wasn't hilarious stuff-partly because my energy was divided between thinking "What's my next bit?" and "How the heck am I going to get these guys to shut up without cursing at them?"

So I did what preachers do when we're in a spot-and hopefully at other times too. I prayed. I didn't say a silent prayer. I asked the entire bar to join me in prayer. I closed my eyes and bowed my head and prayed (out loud) something like "Dear Jesus, would you please make these guys understand that they have to be quiet. Please for the love of God would you make them shut up? Please Jesus? In your precious name. Amen."

They got quiet. I don't know if they were more stunned, or the rest of the crowd, or me. I know I got the comics in the back of the room rolling on the floor so I loved it and it gave me a shot in the arm.

A couple guys at the bar laughed at about three of my jokes so it wasn't a total loss-but really my job as MC is to set the stage-get the scattered room unified as Jesse Nutt told me-and I knew already but had forgotten. So as an MC I'd give it a C overall-for a bar show. I would have fared better in a comedy club.

But my classes at being a comic have just begun. Nothing replaces stage time. Nothing. Only in the bars and on small stages with crowds that really aren't particularly interested that you have a mic can a person really learn how to be a funny stand-up comic. I'm not saying that if someone who's a comic doesn't perform in bars isn't funny. I'm saying that a comic who doesn't work in small unfriendly venues isn't as strong as one who can. I for now can't. But I'm going to prepare so that I can. Kudos to all the comics out there who have busted their hump for years working mean crowds and winning some of them over.

Another lesson learned from a comic who was there was that you can be successful with the crowd and still fail as a comic. He was hilarious, he commanded the room. He was vile, funny, worked the crowd like a pro-because he was one-though not a headliner. His behavior revealed why that is probably the case.

He wasn't the headliner and yet he took up the headliner's stage time. He performed for maybe 45 minutes when his time was to be 30. He insulted several of the comics and then afterward was more concerned with the adulation of the crowd than with his fellow comics. VERY talented dude. VERY funny dude. HORRIBLE colleague. He also did about five shots and drank a beer on top of it during only the time he was on stage. He was visibly drunk by the end of the set. Sooooooooo.....

We can be hilarious and fail at being a comic, we can be kind and fail by not commanding the room or having developed the ability to take over a stage in a bar. I think somewhere in between is a good balance. Dominate the stage not your fellow comics. Make the other comics look good-which is what I didn't do-but out of ignorance-and what this other comic didn't do out of pride. The real failure would be to not go back up on stage after a lukewarm or bad night.

Nearly all of the other comics were pretty great and offered insights and tips as well as feedback. I got to learn from some experienced folks and it was FUN. Had a great time. Still having to learn the thick skinned stuff-but I'm getting there. I think I made it to maybe first grade in comedy school-and I ate the paste. Tomorrow I hear we'll be making a macaroni art rendition of the Sistine Chapel and I have high hopes.

Be well and know God can quiet our inner anxieties, our self doubt, and even some rude drunks on a Friday night in a bar just past a cornfield. Thanks be to God.

Dwight