The Compliment Log

Senator Al Franken pictured as Stuart Smalley inspirational speaker from Saturday Night Live. He'd be proud of this blog.

I had this colleague in ministry who told me about something really cool. I pass it along to you for your own use or disuse.

He is a pastoral counselor and served as a parish minister for 15 years in the United Methodist Tradition. Because ministry requires a certain amount of vulnerability and we pastors are often on the receiving end of criticism-some of it warranted-but much of it related to the person's worldview, unrealistic expectations, and their own ideal image of what a pastor "SHOULD" be. He offered this practice as a way of counter balancing the little slings and arrows we have directed at us-but it works for everyone.

He said that he has a notebook (I use a composition one and use the computer too)where he writes down all the positive statements people make to him during the day. Whether it is specific compliment or just a general positive statement, he writes it down. He writes the date and the person saying it and maybe a context statement. He also tries to write down a statement per day about himself that's positive. He calls it the compliment log, as in log book.

I can hear my comic friends snickering as they read this, and perhaps some are rolling their eyes both comic and non-comics alike. Maybe some cynical pastors too. Bear with me.

What he does is when he's feeling really horrible-he goes to the compliment log and reads it. Sometimes a page brings up his mood-sometimes it takes several pages.

I've been practicing this-and it's a challenge. In part it's because I listen mainly for the negative things people say. I don't think I'm alone in that practice. There are many reasons to be negative in life and many of us ready to share our negative thoughts about everything that's wrong with the world which is a LOT. That's "stinkin' thinkin'" as Stuart Smalley would put it.

So I invite you to train your ears to listen for the things people say that are genuine and kind about you, and then write them down. It may take some time. It takes two weeks of doing something every day to start a habit they say. But try it. You'll like it.

Ok here's the point in the blog where I make a couple of serious statements, then add in some humor and close with a moderately amusing finish. But seriously try this practice-it's helpful.

I'll get your started. God loves and cherishes you always. That's a nice shirt you have on today. Nobody plays croquet or lawn darts better than you. Your skill at leaf raking is unparalleled in the Western world. And lastly these wise words from Stuart Smalley: You're smart enough, your good enough, and doggone it people like you!

Grace,
Dwight

The Heart of the Matter

I love Don Henley's solo album from 1989 called End of the Innocence. For those of you who weren't any more than a fetus in 1989 Don Henley is the lead singer of the band The Eagles who had a number of hits in the 70's.

One of the songs on it that was really good aside from the title track is called "Heart of the Matter". The song itself is about a breakup-but the refrain is:

The more I know the less I understand, all the things I thought I knew, I'm learning again. I've been tryin' to get down to the heart of the matter but my will gets weak and my thoughts seem to scatter but I think its about...Forgiveness, forgiveness even if, even if you don't love me anymore.

Forgiveness isn't particularly funny. In fact its really serious-because its so difficult. People wonder why we need God-or what purpose God serves in our lives. For me and I believe for all of humanity it's because without the Divine we have no capability for forgiveness. We'd rather have vengeance as I've said in previous blogs-vengeance is easier-it requires less effort to strike someone down verbally, physically, or emotionally than it does to try to work through difficult times.

In a book I'm reading called The Art of Forgiveness the author speaks about how much energy is freed up in our entire person when we decide to quit carrying around old grudges, or when we decide to release not only the person who we perceive wronged us, but we release OURSELVES from the weight of it as well. Perhaps in letting go of the wrong we will have the energy to accomplish the difficult work of making relationships right. That is my prayer for you and for me.

Besides I've grown tired of smiting people with a turkey roll.

Grace,
Dwight